This is a wonderful surprise! So few in the organization understand that it is our outpost which makes this a multi-national in the first place. Of course, all they do is supply us with Mickey Mouse crap. Perhaps you'll find it amusing.

Silly things:
Bag of Truth
Listing
Multi P
Something's Always After You
Stuff in Stephen King's garbage

I see you hungrily looking at the piece of paper in my hand. Here it is.

Chris was lying on the living room's hardwood floor, stoned asleep by the Neverending Bowl bong. The dead witch's head rested near his passed out body. The staff of Lies stood in a circle around these two ornaments. Lisa, Nina, Aaron, Mattman, and Willy stared down at the head of the witch. It was babbling incoherently in another language--or possibly no language at all.

"We've got to do something with this. I can't watch TV with the severed head of a witch talking shit all the time," Mattman said. "Why did you bring this up from the basement, Willy?"

"Hoolly, schmooly, rikkit mach mashming!" the witches head shouted. "There's a vent down there connecting to the upstairs bathroom and I could here this head shouting while I was taking a shit. It's really hard to concentrate with this kind of racket."

"What we need to do is get the rest of the staff here. Someone needs to go and get Dave, Zep, Danny, Lenexa, Brady, and whoever else might be able to help us with this problem," Aaron said. "And I guess we should do something with Brian's body."

The severed witch head once again weighed in on the situation, "Shemp, shemp, shemp, kaboombambie!"

"Well, you guys do whatever you want, I'm gonna make some popcorn. I'm hungry," Lisa said, kicking the witches head and walking into the kitchen.

"I'll go get everyone," Nina said and walked out of the house.

"Nelly, nelly, shoom boom belly!" the witch's head replied.

"Does this remind anyone of the Evil Dead movies?" Aaron asked.

"No, it's totally different," Mattman said, disgusted with the situation.

"I'll get a sledgehammer and beat this fucking head into the ground out back," Willy said. "Maybe Jenn can help me with this." He walked into the Chapel.

Aaron kicked Chris in the side. Chris groaned and looked up. "What happened?"

"You fucking smoked from that damned Neverending Bowl bong for an hour straight. And Brian got killed downstairs. C'mon, you gotta help me drag his body out of the basement. Oh yeah--watch out for the witch's head."

The witch's head, which had been quiet since being threatened with a sledgehammer, spit on Chris' leg.

Willy walked back out of the Chapel door. "Why do I have to find all the dead people?"

"Huh?" Aaron asked.

"Jenn is dead. She's all dried up from smoking on that stupid Neverending Bowl bong. It's pretty sick. I don't think you want to see it."

Everyone ran into the Chapel. Jenn was still straddling the bong. Her mouth was stuck around the head of the bong, one hand on the carb, the other holding a lighter. Her face was pulled and shrunken in, as was the rest of her skin and body. It looked as though all of the water had been sucked from her body.

"I wonder what that bongwater tastes like," Chris said. He then reached over and touched Jenn on the head. Her entire body disintegrated and turned to ash, collapsing in a gray powder ring around the bong. The lighter fell into the ash, and everyone jumped back and sneezed. Some of the Jenn ash blew against the stained glass window.

"What the hell is going on?" Mattman said, exasperatingly.

"I think there's something fucked up about this house," Aaron said.

"Well, whatever it is, I'm sure we can fix it," Mattman said and then walked out of the room.

Everyone stayed quiet for a moment and then Willy spoke up, "Did he just say we can fix this, like it's a broken VCR or something?"

"Yep," Chris and Aaron said at the same time.

A black spider, about the size of a penny, crawled out of the head of the Neverending Bowl bong, which was growing more and more tarnished as the minutes ticked by.

art by GAK

Head back out onto the river
Go directly to Socorro! Socorro!

When you've completed the mission, you may return and file your report.
You can also head off to the Lies page
or the A&A base page.