A friendly note from the folks at LCN Syndicate:

On behalf of the members of the LCN Syndicate, I would like to express the company position concerning the current war between the editors of Lies Magazine. We do understand that sometimes the only way to become a better organization is to get a little rough, and things can and do turn out for the better because of it. While we will not endorse ad or aid either side of this conflict, all those who are devoted to Lies should know that we are prepared to support the winner, whoever that may be. We invite everyone--regardless of affiliation--to continue to purchase and recommend LCN-funded projects to friends, family and loved ones. Our company promises that all internal power struggles will in no way affect the quality of our fine products.

Also, the LCN Syndicate categorically denies any and all allegations of 32 separate disappearances it had been wrongly accused of having a part in. They are the accusations of petty, vindictive and foolish fabricators who have nothing better to do than slander an upstanding company, and they will get what's coming to them.

Gino "The Stump" Marzone
Public Relations Director
LCN Syndicate
The Slanderer
January-March 1998 "All The News That Doesn't Exist" Issue #16
Sections:

The top stories:

War! War! War!--page A1

That Ally McBeal chick
to co-star in upcoming
Howie Long flick--page C1

U.S. beats Brazil in Gold Cup
(wait, that actually happened)

Snowboarding World HQ
moves to Big Q: "The bud's
just better here"--page B1

Microsoft buys
General Motors--page D1

LIES GOES TO WAR!!
Was it Duckman or smack? Mattman and Aaron duke it out
A curse has come upon this magazine. Our esteemed leaders, Mattman and Aaron, have allowed sibling rivalry, TV viewing habits and drug shenanigans to interrupt the mission of LIES.

In the grand tradition of the Democratic Party in the 1980s, the 1994 English World Cup campaign and Guns N' Roses, the chief poobahs at Lieshave allowed petty disagreements to bring this fine enterprise to the brink.

Does this signal the end of Lies as we know it? Can life go on without "As always, Elastica"? Why does Aaron keep muttering "Swift would have really loved this"? The answers lie within.

The first skirmish
The latest Vegas lines

Drug war shootout in Southern California

WASHINGTON (DEA)--A decisive victory in the drug war was fought and won by three DEA agents today in an undisclosed location near the Mexico/U.S. border in Southern California.
(more)

Why a war?

Brother against brother? Lover against fighter? The handwringing has just begun. An in-depth analysis of the conflict.

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