The War of Words
by Aaron Worley

There was a time when all the words stood proudly together. They did not judge each other by their meanings, tenses, vowel sounds, or connotation. Words were words, and that was enough for them. As in all social groups though, many types of meaning were expressed. Some words were vulgar, some insightful, some pious, and some descriptive, but they all meant something--which is the true and only requirement of all words.

Then after much thought and deliberation, a group of words dubbing themselves Proper began to grumble about a list of words they considered Obscene. The Proper words began saying unpleasant comments about the Obscene words like "You don't want people expressing what those words mean, do you?"
At first, most words ignored the Proper words claims, thinking it was amusing to see a group of words get all worked up over the meaning of other words. But silently and quickly, many words were siding with either the Propers or the Obscenes. The Propers were led by Manners, Temperance, and Politeness. Three words that had always meant well, and now were calling for all words to mean well. They publicly shunned words like Fuck, Shit, Fart, Cock, and Twat.

Because of the verbal bashing many of the Obscene words were taking, Fuck and Shit united the foul words, making the Obscene movement a powerful adversary to the Propers. Both sides gained powerful allies with influential words. The Propers corralled Reverence, Trust, and Friendly while the Obscene incorporated famous words like Damn, Piss, and Ass.

While many words stood firmly on one side or another of the Proper-Obscene debate, the majority of words chose not to actively get involved. The Object words, led at the time by Cart, Chair, and Table, would not side with either group saying that as long as a word helps describe or explain something, all words were all right. The Action words were not as united and many split off into one side or another. Fuck was an Action word before it was Obscene, and many Action words like Snatch, Rape, and Assassinate joined Fuck in its fight. There were some Action words who did not like Fuck and what it stood for, and words like Obey, Control, and Abstain went to help the Propers feeling Temperance gave the best argument.

The first major act of aggression came on the part of the Propers. While they had a large amount of support for their efforts, the fact remained that their active opposition to the Obscenes was not enough to make a difference. So they created a word called Euphemism.

There are many stories focusing on how this word came into existence. Some say it came from Medical words as a way of washing away the diseased sounds of the Obscene words. Others say (and this is the more likely explanation) that Euphemism began as name calling against the Obscenes by the Propers by using silly, but non-threatening sounds. They called Fuck words like Intercourse, Copulation, and Procreation, and Shit was soon began to be known as Poop, Dung, and Stool.

Before long (and actually much shorter than long), many of the word's public began using the new, amusing nicknames for the Obscene words. The Obscene words were incensed because the euphemisms took away from the true meaning of the original word.

Shit exclaimed, "A word like Poop does not create the full and vivid meaning of Shit. It is a silly substitute intended to make a mockery out of the Obscenes!"

Even the Obscenes could not deny the effect these Euphemism words were having on the general word public, so they figured if they could not repress the use of Euphemism words, they would make up their own nicknames for themselves. For Fucking, the Obscenes came up with Boning and Grinding. Cock soon had nicknames like Dick, Shlong, and Package, while Twat began to be known as Pussy, Trim, and Cunt.

When introducing the new Euphemism words, Damn exclaimed in a speech, "If anyone should be making nicknames for the Obscenes, it should be by words who truly understand the meaning of the Obscenes, and that is the Obscenes themselves!"

The speech was genuinely well received by the majority of the words, but Manners denounced the Obscenes' attempt at Euphemism words saying, "Anything created by the Obscene words is an Obscene word itself and should therefore be treated as such."

The Obscenes were not done with their counterattack. Damn came up with the idea of making a Proper word Obscene. The word they chose was God. God was one of the most coveted words by the Propers, for it had a number of meanings--all of which were considered positive. Creator, Father, Healer, Savior. They all came from God. Damn thought if it could perverse the meaning of God, then the clout of all Proper words would be weakened.

Damn was soon heard to be inserting the new word Goddamn into his speeches. When asked what the word meant, Damn replied, "Goddamn is a Shock word. Whenever any word is amazed, surprised, or disgusted, the word Goddamn can be used."

Most words knew Damn had stolen God from the Propers and just added his own name. While the average word thought it was bold move, the majority of words publicly announced displeasure with the forming of Goddamn, and the Propers used it as fodder against the Obscenes. The Propers began using scare tactics, saying the Obscenes could and would take any word they wished and make it their own.

The scare tactics worked (as scare tactics usually do), and the majority of the words denounced the Obscenes actions as going too far and called out for their punishment. While most words still didn't think the Obscenes posed any threat to the Word society in general, it was clear the Propers and Obscenes would keep coming up with schemes to ruin each other until all the words became a jumbled mess of confusion.

The punishment for the Obscenes was quick and severe. Fuck, Damn, Shit and all of the other Obscenes were to be banished from the Word Society, never to be seen with any other words again. The Obscenes obeyed and disappeared from the general public. The Propers officially won the War of Words.

Unofficially, it seems the Obscenes became more powerful than when they were part of the Word public. Although Obscenes are now omitted from all official documents, prayers, and text books, the words are still used by most. And while many dictionaries deny their existence, their meanings and connotations are known the world over. God still has Proper and Obscene meanings. Euphemisms still exist on both sides. And novels, newsletters, and pamphlets still contain many of the original Obscenes. The scars from the war have never healed, though, and the Word society is still confused about what it can and cannot tolerate.

There are some who dream of a day when everything returns to the way it was before all the feuding began, and the Obscenes are allowed to be part of official society once again. The movement is small, though, and without much public support.

More and more new words are created, and most do not remember the War of Words. They do not know of a time when all words stood proudly together regardless of their meaning. Only time will tell the legacy of the great War of Words, and its ultimate effect on the Word Society.

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