Why? you ask knowingly.
It's a joke, folks. The grind-oi version of "Stayin" Alive" is pretty silly, and since the band didn't take it seriously, why should we?

The flip has a couple songs from the forthcoming album, and one that isn't going to be there. If you know Anal Cunt (or simply "A.C." on the airwaves), then you can pretty much guess what they sound like.

Personally, I think these songs show a little more range than the last album (that's still not saying much), so I have a little hope for Top 40 Hits. We'll see.

Combining the extreme use of musical scales (not to mention violin) that you find in prog rock with the anarchic energy and lack of attention to detail found only in the sloppiest punk bands, Big Hair manages to sound like nothing I've ever heard before.

What a gawd-awful racket. This is just a complete mess, and I think that's the intent. Usually, five musical ideas are living separate lives throughout most of the songs, and then the band executes an occasional break where everyone gets together.

Something at the core of my being appreciates the nebulous nature of Big Hair's music. I certainly can't justify such feelings rationally, but then again, you shouldn't have to think about music all the time.

I have no idea what kind of market could be dredged up for these guys, but I hope people take a chance. This is a very strange album, and I like it a lot.

More blues than funk, really, and more bombast than anything else. Sorta like what might happen if a hardcore band decided to listen to a lot of Sabbath and ZZ Top.

And they cover "Just Got Paid", heavy on the bass and light on the boogie. Which is pretty much what the whole album sounds like.

I've always like the blues for the subtleties. BFSM leaves nothing to the imagination. Most of the songs sound bludgeoned to death, and I can't figure out why.

Oh well.

If there was such a thing as the "Chapel Hill sound", and I think there might be, Bourbon has a good grip on that concept. Meandering pop music that's at times moody, at times mean.

The production left things a little muffled, but nothing to worry about, really. Once you turn up the volume, everything becomes pretty much clear as day. Eight songs, and I wish there was more. Perfectly wonderful.

Yes!

Well, that's who Cairo certainly wants to be. The Trevor Horn-produced version, not the original. Keyboards ascendant, melodies twisted among the vocals and guitars.

And long songs. "Ruins at Avalon's Gate" checks in at 22:35. My.

The production is lush, but it follows the musical lead and is not too technical. Sure, these guys are playing pretty complicated fare, but they string it together well, and nothing sounds jumbled or contrived.

I've said before that I'm not a big fan of this sort of music, but I like this disc. Cairo knows how to flesh out simple musical ideas and turn them into the progressive sound favored by the band. Each songs has at its heart only a couple real melodic ideas, and thus nothing is too complicated. The soul comes through.

I've never been a fan, but if I were, I still wouldn't plunk down the cash for this.

Like the Exploited disc, the production is sub-bootleg. You can't even hear the guitars (except as a very low background rumble when no one else is playing, or when there is a lead break). The only prominent feature (again) is the vocals.

As I can hear, these are pretty faithful run-throughs of the songs, but it's almost impossible to tell.

Judging by the sound quality of the two discs in this series I've heard, I'd say stay away. Far away. The only reason three-year-old tapes like this are dredged up is for cash. Don't blame the band; blame whoever runs Creative Man.

A collection of singles and remixes from one of the most inventive techno bands around.

If you don't know DP already, this is a band that regularly performs. As in live, with improvisation and such. As a result, the songs aren't nearly as antiseptic as many other bands in the same area.

Like most remix efforts, at times the mixes don't quite live up to the original songs. But just as many are quite creative reinventions.

Those who know already have this disc and are playing it non-stop. Those of you in the other category should take notice. I don't know of a more interesting band in the club arena today.

Filtering a hard techno sound though a disco filter, Do or Die has an addictive club sound.

Awash in goth overtones as well, at times Do or Die sounds like a peppier Sisters. But the disco glories keep the mood from dropping too much.

Six remixes, all highly combustible. I dare anyone to play this stuff and not dance (perhaps that explains the song "Dance or Die", other than until recently Dance or Die was the name of the band). All the club cliches, done in an interesting fashion. Do or Die has to tools to get anyone on the floor.

A great 4-song pop-punk extravaganza. Short, sweet and tasty.

Your standard 3-piece band, but there is a knack to writing catchy songs, and these folks have it. Sometimes life doesn't have to be complicated, after all. Play this until you go blind (well, actually, until you go deaf).

In case you didn't notice, Dr. Bob's Nightmare gets a big thumbs up. My volume meter is maxed out.

The liners note: "We produced ourselves." No shit, guys.

Of course, El Flaco plays a form of noise blues that lends itself to self-production. The real focus is on visceral thrill, not technical prowess. Thub is a natural antidote to those who have jumped on the Jon Spencer bandwagon. Yes, we all remember when...

Now that the Pussy Galore alumni are getting their due (10 years late), we can revel in the glory that bands like El Flaco produce. Waves of distortion and just plain noise, punctuated by an occasional burst of real blues power.

I'd call that cool, my friends. This is one of those "play all summer" discs. And since I'm in Florida and it's 80 degrees out, my summer starts now!

Soundboard-quality live recording of one of the more influential hardcore bands (hell, they've been recording since 1981).

Most of their best songs are here, but the sound quality is for shit. Wattie's vocals are quite distinct, and he's in good form, but the rest of the band is so low in the mix the music comes off as a low rumble.

As this is part of a series (along with the Chaos U.K. disc also reviewed in this issue) of live recordings of bands in Japan, I'd have to say this is just a blatant attempt to cash in on a craze. After all, these tapes have been around since 1991. And they didn't need to come out now.

How might you play pop music and still adhere to the Chicago sound? Well, Jaks didn't quite make it. But the ensuing mess is a fun one to wallow in.

Pounding bass, wailing guitar and distorted vocals (sure, it sounds a little familiar) are Jaks' hallmarks, but the things I like are the occasional attempts to make this well-defined sound conform to a pop song format. I can almost make out verses and choruses. At times, I said.

The sparse production is a relief. The instrumentation and vocals are all distinct and clear, and this compliments the fine playing.

Jaks is going somewhere. I'm not sure where, but I'll stick around for the ride.

Two discs from Claus Larsen, who is Leaether Strip. Four new tracks on the first, and 13 re-mixes, live or old tracks on the second.

But the first disc is worth the price of admission. Goth pop with enough industrial attack to keep me interested. Larsen keeps the music flowing, despite the often morose lyrics.

The real test of this sort music is what else is brought into the mix, and how that is done. Larsen doesn't use many samples, but he obviously listens to a wide range of music, because you can hear all sorts of references throughout his compositions.

My favorites on the first disc are "Torture (A Suicide Note)" (a wonderful mix of Goth and industrial sensibilities) and "Don't Tame Your Soul", a cool spoken word bit.

When you get to the second disc, you'll notice the wide array of sounds Larsen likes to experiment with. Don't be afraid to sample everything. All are satisfying.

Lush gothic pop, with sound that seems to go on forever.

All the usual "d" goth themes are here: death, depression, the devil, drugs. The last discussed in an oddly mellow version of "White Rabbit". If there's one this Mephisto Walz seems to believe in, it's a lack of passion.

Not a bad disc at all, but there is nothing here that particularly moves me, either. I guess I'm just not in a mood to be really depressed this week.

Imagine an early seventies guitar sound (say, 1972 Deep Purple) moving along with today's pop punk sensibilities. Riffage and hooks. What a combination.

Toby Dammit (really) has a nice early-Idol growl (pre-sneer). The songs have that "just crawled out from the dumpster" feeling, not a bad thing at all.

I can honestly saw I've never heard anything quite like this. The Mess have a corner on their sound, and it's an entertaining one. I can only imagine what the live shows are like.

In the spirit of throwbacks, the liner notes contain instructions on the preservation of your fine vinyl collectibles. The Mess thinks of everything, after all.

Mixed by such luminaires as FLA, T*H*D, Psychic TV, Spahn Ranch and Leaether Strip, the second disc from Penal Colony does have a nice schizophrenic appeal.

The base ideas for each song come from various movie and other spoken word samples, sparse industrial beats and the occasional guitar and keys. Each of the mixing agencies gives the songs different feelings (compare the FLA and Spahn Ranch versions of "Blue 9", for example).

At times a hint of gothic blackness creeps into the overall feel, but the music stays firmly in the experimental industrial warehouse. A fine second by folks who refuse to take the easy road.

If Sly could kick the crack and actually finish that long-rumored album...

Pusher comes through, forcing a vision of caterwauling early-seventies pop-rock-funk through a sheen of fried chicken crackles and the occasional buzzsaw guitar.

In other words: Really, really, (really) great.

Most songs start off pleasant enough, with earnest, yet strained, pop vocals floating above some sort of organ or soft guitar. The soul begins to flow. And once the guitars fly in your face, you just don't notice. The bliss is extreme.

A throwback that manages to still sound fresh. Pusher merges the past with the present in a most appealing way. This isn't antiseptic Chili Peppers faux-funk. This is a stench you can sink your teeth into.

Everyone is out to get you. Once you accept this fact, then anything Snog says will make all the sense in the world.

Lots of interesting anti-consumer, anti-government, anti-God, anti-most any authority samples woven through a texture of techno industrial madness.

Most folks are afraid to try and dance to music this fast. That or they aren't in shape. But I dig it. The messages may be a little silly at times, but who cares when you're dancing, anyway.

A wonderful album for the clubs. It'll clear the pink-shirted frat boys off the floor, that's for sure.

Survivors from Scatterbrain and the Hard Corps. The sound pretty much follows from there. But in case you don't know...

Stone Deep plays what it calls "street fusion". Basically, this is cheese metal riffs laid over hip hop beats (played on real drums). The title track is an attempt at a political statement, though the band seems more enamored of repeating the title than explaining the concept. The flip is a lighter track called "Mr. Sunray", that sounds a lot like early De La Soul, but more hippie than clever.

This single is much better than the stuff I heard on their demo about a year ago. With similar improvement, Stone Deep should find a deal soon enough.

The guitars and beats scream "German industrial types", and that's exactly what Templebeat is.

But this isn't just a rehash of all that has come before. Templebeat has been paying attention to industrial dance and techno trends, and has decided to improve upon a few of them. So while one song may pile-drive you into the carpet, the next is just as likely to be a club-ready mondo disco tune.

With plenty of experimental touches all around. Templebeat hasn't so much crafted a new sound but provided a worthy sampler of the state of dance music today. Guitars, drum machines and synthesizers coexist in peace, but there's not much harmony. After all, we don't live in a pretty world.

If these are the singles...

Test Dept. is pretty uncompromising, merging world beat melodies and rhythms, samples of political speeches and other noises along with mellow techno (even ambient at times). This is not unattractive, but also not terribly commercial. The songs are usually constructed to build to a point where all of the various samples are interacting, and then a slow retreat from the whole.

Sounds like orchestration? Well, that's a fair approximation. Test Dept. blends many sounds together, some sounds that normally do not wander through the same planes together. But it works here.

When things really cook, Test Dept. shows its true mettle. The sound approaches discordance, but at the precipice things pirouette back towards our universe.

Highly worthy listening.

Pop music, at various times strident or mesmerizing, with the emphasis on a vicious rhythm attack.

Four songs on this EP, and each is quite different from the other, not only in sound but structure. With is disc, The folks in Vodka show their versatility, songwriting as well as playing. I'd like to hear is Vodka can shift gears as easily live. But for now I'll stick with this.

King Jesus proves that pop music is truly an inclusive musical form. If Vodka can come up with an album that even approaches this, those folks will have triumphed, indeed.

Heavy rap-funk from the asshole of Texas (I know; I spent way too much time there a while back). After kicking off with a harsh remake of "King of Rock", the rest of the tape sticks to original compositions.

All in all, it sounds no worse than your average Beastie Boys records (and Weasel-MX sounds a lot like the Beasties), but the production left everything in that heavily-baffled demo hell.

Nothing that a little more care won't help. This stuff is pretty good, if a little derivative.