Mine Eyes Have Seen The Glory
A Scottland column by Scott Parkinson
I've been staring vacantly into the television for years, soaking up its rich gravy of knowledge, allowing it to form the paradigms that define my daily existence, but even I hadn't known how profound and all-encompassing it was. I have always treated it like a mentor and best friend, but deep as that relationship was, it seems so shallow in light of my new understanding of what television really is--the many-splendored and glowing face of God.
I was up late watching Gilligan's Island, hoping against hope they would escape this time, when the revelation hit me. In a snarling crack of cathode-ray induced ecstasy, I was united with the mind of my Maker and realized that I was basking, literally, in a heavenly glow from the living God. Stunned, I lay in front of the altar and ingested the fact that I was witnessing God's word being re-told to suit the needs of my generation. God, in his might and glory, realized that television killed the book and to continue to convey his message his Word must adopt this new form. I was prone before the TV set, my body rigid and sweating, as I realized in that glorious moment that Gilligan's Island wasn't only incredible entertainment, but it was also God speaking through his newest prophet, Sherwood Shwartz, genius-creator of the Gilligan Saga, and re-telling Genesis to the generations that would have gone barren without it. God filled me with his love and understanding, and now I feel compelled to spread the Word.
You may be feeling sorry for me right now--soft-headed boy has been addled by too many hours in front of the boob tube--but hear me out before yee judge. Let me please, for a moment, play the role of interpreter for you and translate the golden and divinely inspired parables of Sherwood Shwartz. Through Gilligan's Island we are told of the fall of Man from Grace and his constant yearning to return to that state.
There are many layers to Gilligan's Island, so it is important to look at and understand each as they are and how they pertain to the whole. Most important, of course, is to understand who God is. In Gilligan's Island, that is simple and very straight forward: God is the sea. He is that amorphous body that surrounds everything, constantly changing but always the same. He is the method to heaven but also the barrier. He is the forgiver, but also the judge. To the castaways the sea fulfills all of these qualities and is meant be a physical manifestation of the presence of God around their lives.
Knowing that God is the sea, then it is important to know what is Heaven. Heaven, obviously enough, is Civilization. When the castaways speak of trying to get back to civilization, they are allegorically speaking of striving for Heaven--their lost state of Grace. And the only thing that separates them from Civilization (Heaven) is the Sea (God) and its temperamental nature.
These two pieces make it easy to infer that the castaways (for they were cast out of Grace--see how it is all there) are meant to represent Man. The castaways went looking for forbidden knowledge (the three-hour tour) and in so doing they incurred the wrath of God (the Sea). But while they as a group represent Man as a whole, they are individually emblematic of the characteristics of Man's courser nature. You see, each of the seven castaways also represents one of the Seven Deadly Sins.
In the seven distinct personalities of the castaways we see: Lust (Ginger), Envy (Mary Anne), Pride (the Professor), Anger (the Skipper), Covetousness (Mrs. Howell), Gluttony (Mr. Howell), and Sloth (Gilligan). The castaways, as they represent Man, are striving against their fallen state to reach back to Eden (Hawaii) or farther up to Civilization (Heaven), but are constantly brought back down to Earth (the island) by a poor display of their nature by one of the castaways. Either Gilligan sleeps through his watch or Ginger's sexuality intimidates a potential rescuer, in the end the result is the same; their behavior is judged wanting and the sea remains a barrier to civilization.
We witness the sea as judge but also as provider, for God did not completely abandon Man upon this Earth and leave him to his own. In Gilligan's Island the sea will occasionally float in a gift of civilization. This is God offering, kindly, to his fallen children. Unfortunately for the castaways, they always revel in the gift but then misrepresent it and it ends up denying them their greatest desire--Salvation.
I cannot tell you the profound impact this knowledge had upon me as I lay in front of the TV. Aside from my new respect for the works of Sherwood Shwartz (The Brady Bunch is an explanation of the nature of the Trinity: The Feminine Side (Jesus=the Girls), The Masculine Side (the Father=the Boys), and the odd, rather androgynous, helping side (the Holy Ghost=Alice) and how it all is one "singular" Bunch made up of different parts), I now firmly believe that the television has been speaking to my spiritual side for years and that I have, unknowingly, been worshipping devoutly since before I could speak. In one explosive instance my world had been reshaped. No longer was I a morally devoid Gen X'er whose lack of spiritual fiber was a constant target by the preceding generation, instead I became the Rock.
The guilt I felt at being raised by television was replaced with a quiet assurance in my instruction. The uncertainty of direction derived solely from my electric friend was erased and replaced with the solid conviction of one proved, ultimately, to be correct. I am no longer the butt and burden of the world's problems, but its cure. Propped up with the timeless knowledge of Gilligan's Island, CHIPs, Three's Company and countless other works of God, I am ready to re-shape society as television shall instruct. The World need no longer worry about its future, for I stand ready: TV guide in one hand, remote in the other--Amen.
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